Commanding Respect - Needed? And How to?

It's been quite some time now since I blogged last. Lot's of things have happened since then. Change of job, Change of house, New car and so on. In a way, these have been keeping me so occupied that I have lost track of what's going around me and jotting down my retrospectives. But, something that happened today caught my attention. Is anything going severely wrong?

It's probably common that you witness a situation where you get the slight indication of people not respecting you. This could happen through various kinds of symptoms. For example, people are just trying to wade away your questions with some quick, short and vague answers. The answers may even be sometimes very blatant and arrogant. You may tend to feel that the team is missing to see your value and contributions. Something is going wrong... you feel it.

Ok, it may be time to react. But then, in a work environment where professionalism is expected, you should not obviously lash back at them. Also, if your opinions and statements are not valued, nobody is going to listen even if you lash back. On the contrary, it might end up ruining your remaining respect too. Also, remember there are lots of junior members and you might stand as a bad example to them. Alright, let's rule out lashing back option.

You may choose to ignore it for the time being. It looks like it works. People around you are bound not to point to it very very very frequently again and again. But, then, it's natural that at some point of time soon, some other kind of insult or disrepect is just round the corner. More you keep quiet, more disrespect follows and at some point of time, you are branded as a good for nothing and object to blame kind of a person. Certainly, that hurts your dignity and you won't like to continue working in such an environment. So, there must be a better answer to this problem.

Some hunting points me to solutions like try to hunt the root cause and eliminate it. Sounds very neat but is it practical? You know your team is not responding to you. But, what do you do to react? Let's see if we can find a friend (either in the office or better outside) and talk it out. But, what would he suggest? How would he help? Here are something that I found useful... Read on.

Usually, what matters in work is 1) the way you present yourself 2) your relative productivity 3) how much you sync with what others expect. Let me explain. I have always felt that people value character more than geniosity. That means, it's ok if you cannot do a task; but, present yourself in an appropriate way. Appropriateness depends on whom you are working with. If the environment respects, silent, down-to-earth personality and if you are pompous and loose with words, then change yourself that way. Also, if you think, environment wants people to highlight their work, then do it that way. Usually, confusion and mis-understanding about the environment is the key reason. Also, first impression adds more fuel to it. Secondly, you are attracting the wrong people perhaps! You might be unnecessarily arrogant to your superiors; just probably because they are arrogant to you. May be, it's natural for them to be arrogant to their subordindates. Such superiors are usually very polite to their bosses. Very hateful personalities, these are! It's hard to expect respect from them. But them, time is the best tool to conquer this. Just be patient, don't try to prove yourself so soon. Keep accepting things and doing it their way till you believe you have full hang of the situation and you may keep eliminating the need for conversation with them so frequently.

Secondly, your relative productivity matters. Note the point that I am talking about "relative". You are probably compared with someone! Another awful situation. Atleast if the person compared is friendly, there is lot to learn and accomplish. Situation becomes worse if the person is also arrogant and ethically against your beliefs. Fotunately nobody is permanent in any field. Hence you may hope the situation will change soon in your favor. Anyways, your thoughts of moving out is not going to do any good because its almost certain that you will again land up in a similar situation. Of course, quiet and calm meetings with such a person to understand his basic behavior might sound good but is not easy. Try it, anyways.

Sync'ing up expectations is key. But, what are the expectations! Why don't they make that explicit!! Frustrating behavior... but, a harsh reality. We learn by experience and only thing we can do here is not to repeat the same mistakes as we grow old.

I strongly believe, its possible to regain lost ground. Time, hard work, focus are key. Remember, wait and don't shy away. Life will surely be better in this end itself.